about this week

[acroyear]

Everything we do generates repercussions. If our actions are necessary, we can handle the repercussions. If our actions are a result of us doing-what-we-want-to-do, then we may be overwhelmed. If our actions are a result of arbitrary impulses, we will be swept away. -- Robert Fripp

Necessary actions took place this week, often decided without access to all the information that would have made decisions more comfortable. Regardless of the lack of information, the repercussions of those actions, being necessary, could be and were handled.

There is still one more necessary action on my part that will happen when it has to, and its getting closer. It'll probably happen this weekend with the hopes that its repercussions will be dealt with by monday. This last action is entirely internal on my part:

I have not yet grieved. This is not denial. This was a conscious decision, an exercise of the discipline I have developed in such matters, a necessary action for me to do in order to allow others their time to grieve. The repercussion is that I still have to grieve, which I can handle. This action is necessary, and its repercussions I will also handle. I'll party-hardy tomorrow, but don't expect me to drink too much...i'd rather not be swept away.

In the end I found beginnings, not a vision, a wake up call,
Raised from the dead by a beating heart and at last I can see it all
And my eyes were opened to the darkness, in my hand a burning flame,
A spark of life to touch the fuse and blow these clouds away,

I can make it happen, if I want to,
Make it happen, if I try,
Forgive, forget, forever never means as much as it does today,
Make it happen [-- Fish]

I have not lost my grandmother, but I miss her company.

Comments

[vvalkyri.livejournal.com]

Eloquent. I'd wondered what had happened.

:offers hugs:

[rendancer.livejournal.com]

*Huuuuuuuuuuug* I hope you are ok. I am thinking of you...

Mon Ami

[sagcelt62.livejournal.com]

Our condolences and heartfelt sympathy my friend

[selkiesiren.livejournal.com]

:::Hugs:::

You're one amazing man, Joe. I admire your strength and support of others. And I admire the depth of your perception into yourself...to know that you *do* need to grieve, if eventually.

Many good thoughts and prayers to you as you move through this process.

[blueeowyn.livejournal.com]

{HUG}

We are available if you want to talk.